John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
