thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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