Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize