No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
