the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
