I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize