Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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