You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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