Jerry, you need to find god
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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