if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
