Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
