I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
