So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
