Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
