He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
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I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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