I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
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Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Found the puke drawer
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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