Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
