I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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