He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
God, I missed his penis.
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