Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I want to fling myself into the sun
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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