I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize