Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
