I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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