you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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