My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
