people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize