Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
