he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
