oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
