I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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