did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The air was thick with penises
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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