Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
