considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
