one might say we're banned from that church
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
