Nicole vs. Life
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
