The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
