I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
