he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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