I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
