why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
sarcasm needs its own font
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
