There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
