Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
