After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
