I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize