some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Randomize
