Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
