There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
