I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
