I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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