man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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