dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
