I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Randomize
