You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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