I'm lost and stupid without you.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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