what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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