the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
