Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize