Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He did a backflip because drugs
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
