how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
