we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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