Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Semen is not good for contacts.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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