just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
